Tales of the Sleeping Time Lord
by Elma MacBetsy
Summary: Rose wonders if the Doctor ever sleeps so she decides to investigate the matter herself.
1. Night 1

Over the years, the Doctor's had several companions. They were all so different, yet all the same. He loved them all, just not enough, or maybe it was too much; either way it had been rare for him to get close enough to one of them to particularly miss them when they were gone. Except one: Rose Tyler, a slightly chavy, blonde, twenty year-old. They'd shared a lot and grown close, but there was one question that, like the other companions before her, Rose had never asked: Do Time Lords sleep? It may seem like a stupid question, but had you ever been on the TARDIS, you would note that the Doctor was always awake and doing things by the time you got up and continued to do so long after you'd gone to bed. Rose, being the curious girl she was, decided to investigate.

**Night one**

The Doctor and Rose were in the console room. They had just spent a rather exhausting day running for their lives. Rose was curled up against the Doctor's side where they sat on an old sofa that was, for some reason, in the console room.

'You should get to bed.' The Doctor murmured in her ear as he played with a few strands of hair. Rose only nodded. She was rather tired. She gave him a shy smile.

'Tuck me in?' She asked. The Doctor smiled back at her.

'Anything for you.' He replied. Before Rose could get up, the Doctor stood up, pulling her into his arms as he did so. Rose squealed, but it was rather half-heartedly. After all, his arms were her favourite place to be. He left the console room and went into the main corridor that most of the rooms came off. The first door on the right was Rose's room. He kicked the door open in a rather uncaring manner and carried Rose in, laying her on her bed. She scrambled under the covers. The Doctor pulled them up to her chin.

'Goodnight Rose.' He kissed her forehead.

'Night, Doctor.' The Doctor headed out of her room and shut the door with a soft 'click' behind him. Rose sighed. She loved him. But he could never know.

Rose waited two hours before deciding to go and see what her Doctor was up to, if saying 'her Doctor' was appropriate. She decided it was. She very gently opened the door and didn't bother shutting it. Sounds were coming from the console room, so Rose guessed that the Doctor was in fact still awake. She padded up the corridor and hid the behind the door frame leading in to the room, listening to the Doctor, who was sitting on the same sofa he had been earlier. It appeared that the TARDIS was talking to him telepathically.

'I could never do that! It wouldn't be right. I'm a Time Lord and… and she's…' he paused. Rose decided he was probably listening to the TARDIS. He laughed slightly.

'Well, yes, that's true. What I was going to say, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, was that she's not. A Time Lord that is. Which is why telling her about… Well, it would be impossible.' Another pause. 'Well, of course _physically_ I could say it; I just can't _actually_ say it.' Pause. 'You're just having me on now, aren't ya. What am I going to do with you?' Pause. 'Yes, I know. I'm going off topic. Back to what I was saying before. Er… Yes, I can't ever say it. Anyway, it's probably just a one sided thing. Besides, it's not as if I have particularly deep feelings for her. More like a friend.' Pause. 'Having a few dreams about her doesn't mean that I feel any attraction.' There was a long pause, in which the Doctor's face changed from some what exasperated to a sort of deer-caught-in-headlights look. 'You saw _that _dream???!!! That isn't fair!!' Pause. 'No it's not.' Pause. 'No it's not.' Pause. 'No it's not.' Pause. 'No it's not, one more time than you can ever say it is. Hah!!!' Rose had to stuff her fist in her mouth to stifle her giggles. He was reminding her so much of a little boy stuck in an argument with a class-mate. The Doctor's mouth dropped open in shock. '_I _am _not_ childish, thank you very much!' He put on an adorable pout. Nothing else was said. Rose supposed that the TARDIS was done talking to the Doctor. She crept back to her room. Once she got there, she pulled her diary out of one of the desk drawers and wrote:

_Night 1_

_The Doctor didn't sleep tonight. Instead he got into a ridiculously childish argument with the TARDIS. I wonder who they were talking about. It probably wasn't me. I mean I'm just the Doctor's companion, at most I'm his best friend, but that's it. Just because I constantly want to ruffle his hair when it's all messy and nibble on his lip when he pouts doesn't mean that I feel anything more than a crush. Right?_

Little did Rose know that had she been outside the console room just a few minutes earlier, she would have found the Doctor going into great detail about his feelings for _her_.


	2. Night 2

Ok, I realised I forgot to put any kind of authors note on the first chapter, so here it is.

Authors note: This is my first fanfiction, so please don't be too harsh! I only made this account so I could add some of the fics to favourites and alerts etc. Like I said in the summary, the whole premise of the story is that Rose wants to know if the Doctor sleeps so she investigates every night. Since I support Doctor/Rose pairing, it will be a Doctor/Rose fic. The first three chapters are set before 'The Girl in the Fireplace'.

Also, I forgot to include a disclaimer, so here it is: To steal a phrase from my english teacher, If I had a pound for everytime I wished I owned Doctor Who, I'd be a millionaire. (Then I'd buy the show). Unfortunately, I only get weird looks when I wish that out loud, so no there is no owning of the Doctor Who on the part of me.

**Night two**

The Doctor and Rose were involved in a friendly argument as they entered the TARDIS.

'You promised no aliens and running away this time!'

'Rose, don't be ridiculous. I never _promise_ anything. I merely stated that hopefully we would have a nice relaxing trip for once.' Rose looked at him like he'd suddenly sprouted an extra head.

'Er… No, you said, and I quote, 'Rose, I promise no aliens and running away'.'

'Well, clearly you misunderstood me.' The Doctor countered as he removed his tie and coat. Rose hit his arm. 'Ow!!'

'How could _anyone_ misunderstand you saying you promised? Now, be a good boy and admit it.' The Doctor stood up straight and put his chin in the air.

'Never!' Rose rolled her eyes and gently jabbed him under the ribs. The Doctor laughed. 'Don't! I'm ticklish there'. Rose gave him a mischievous smile and jabbed him again. He mock glared at her.

'You'll pay for that Tyler.' He held up his hands and wiggled his ten long fingers. Rose squealed and ran around to the other side of the console. The Doctor chased after her.

After much chasing throughout the whole TARDIS, the Doctor finally caught Rose around the waist from behind, tickling her mercilessly.

'Gotcha!' Rose was laughing to hard to try and escape.

'No! Uncle! I give! Stop!' The Doctor eventually ceased his attack, but didn't remove his arms from her waist. Instead he turned her around to face him. They were both breathing heavily, even more so as their closeness dawned on them. Rose licked her lips. The Doctor watched her with his darker than usual eyes. He bent his head towards hers slowly. Just as their lips were about to touch, the Doctor removed his arms from her waist and stepped away, not looking at her. Rose flushed and looked at the floor. The Doctor cleared his throat.

'It's late. You should get some sleep.' With that he turned and marched back to the console room. Rose was slightly taken aback by his cold attitude. She didn't understand it. She was tempted to go after him, but decided that he probably wouldn't appreciate her company right now. Instead she headed to her room and got ready for bed.

Like she had done the previous night, Rose waited two hours before going off to watch the Doctor. Leaving her room, she began her search for him. He wasn't in the console room. He wasn't in the kitchen. He wasn't in the bathroom, the library, the living room or any other room that Rose could find. Then she heard a noise, just the tiniest of whimpers. She followed them until she found an open door. Standing just outside the room, she watched as the Doctor lay on his bed looking forlorn. A few tears were falling from his eyes. But at the same time he looked so angry.

_It's not your fault you know._

Rose jumped as she heard a voice in her head.

'Wha…'

_Don't speak; think. I can hear you fine. _

Rose breathed in deeply. This was the TARDIS talking to her.

How is it not my fault? This is because of earlier.

_Partly, but not completely. But it's still not your fault._

Partly?

_He cries a lot you know. It's tough being the last of your kind, and even tougher knowing that you are the reason you're alone._

He's not alone. He has me.

_You're still only human, Rose._

I know… Why is he so upset about earlier?

_He's angry. Angry at himself for wanting you, even angrier for nearly giving in._

He… wants _me_?

_Yes. But he doesn't want to want you. He worries that even if he keeps you as a friend you'll leave him._

Never. I'll never leave him.

_Sometimes it can't be helped. _

With that, the TARDIS left Rose's mind.Even though she knew that it could be awkward, her first interest was to comfort her love, so that's what she did. She whispered soothing words to him and stroked his hair. When she felt the need to sleep she left. When she woke the next morning, the Doctor had already got up and was in the console room. He never mentioned the previous night, so Rose didn't either. To be honest, she wasn't sure if he ever knew she was there.

As she had before, Rose wrote an entry in her diary about it.

_Night 2_

_The Doctor didn't sleep tonight. I found him crying on his bed. It was a little to do with earlier when we almost kissed. We were so close! I almost had him! If the TARDIS is right then I know he wants me, so why didn't he kiss me? I don't understand. I do know that I absolutely love him. Before I wasn't sure, but I know now. I just wish that he could love me too, instead of only feeling physical attraction. But I've already learnt that wishing doesn't change anything._


	3. Night 3

This is the third chapter (obviously). I felt like bringing in another character. And in case you're interested, I still don't have enough money to buy Doctor Who. I'm saving my pennies though.

**Night 3**

'So… Where are we going again?' Rose asked the Doctor. He sighed.

'I've already told you several times.'

'Yeah, I know you have, but that's not what it says here.' She replied, pointing to one of the screens on the console that she was standing next to. It was the only screen on which the text was translated into English. The Doctor frowned.

'Wha… What do you mean? What does it say?'

'It says here that we're going to somewhere called 'Satellite 5'. Sounds kinda familiar. You recognise it Doctor?' He didn't reply. 'Doctor?' She moved round towards him scrutinising him. He had gone very pale. 'What is it?' He shook his head.

'It's nothing, I'm sure.' Rose frowned at him but didn't say anything.

It wasn't long before they landed. The Doctor still looked pale and wasn't at all his usual self. His enthusiasm for telling Rose about the place they had landed was missing. All though he didn't say anything, he seemed to have to force himself to move towards the door, which he opened as slowly as possible. Rose slowly reached forwards and squeezed his hand diving him a brief smile. He returned it weakly, followed by a mumbled 'be careful' before slowly and carefully making his way out of the TARDIS. Rose looked at their surroundings with interest. The Doctor did look at their surroundings too, though it was more to do with spotting any left-over Daleks than curiosity.

'It's very quiet.' Rose said, breaking the silence. She let her gaze wander to him, eying him critically. 'Like something else I could name.' When he _still_ didn't say anything, she began a different subject. 'You know, I swear I recognise this place. Actually it's weird. Ever since I saw the name of this place on the screen, I keep thinking about C-…'

'Freeze.' They both froze. 'Good. Now turn around _veeerrrrryyyy sloooowly.'_ Rose glanced at the Doctor to see what he would do. She was surprised to see him smiling.

'I recognise that voice.' He mumbled. Then he spoke again, louder. 'Long time, no-see, _Captain Jack Harkness_.' Rose gasped.

'Jack? Is it you?'

'Rosie?' The voice asked in a much friendlier manner. Rose spun around.

'JACK!!!' She ran to him and gave him a big hug. He returned it eagerly.

'Good to see you again Rose. How have you been?' Rose opened her mouth to reply but she was interrupted by the Doctor.

'Hate to break the moment, but last time I saw you, you were dead Jack.' He looked surprisingly grim. Rose frowned at him.

'Doctor! Can't that wait until later?' The Doctor ignored her, staring straight at Jack. Jack gave him an uneasy smile.

'So… You'd be the Doctor then? Er… You look a little… Different.' The Doctor paid him no attention.

'Well? You seem awfully alive, Jack.' Jack laughed nervously.

'Y-You know anyone would think you weren't pleased to see me…' Rose glared at the Doctor.

'Ignore him Jack. You know how rude he his. Come on.' She linked an arm through hi and led him towards the TARDIS, shooting its owner a look over her shoulder. The Doctor watched them go, ignoring the pangs of guilt and jealousy that were shooting through his body. He knew he had been a bit harsh to Jack. He just couldn't help but think that Jack's survival was somehow all tied into Bad Wolf, and that was something that he didn't particularly want to think about.

When the Doctor finally entered his TARDIS it was to hear laughter coming from the kitchen. He followed the corridor round to find Rose and Jack sitting at the kitchen table filling each other in on what had happened in the past few months.

'So then he said…' Rose continued, struggling to talk against her laughter. The she saw the Doctor and expression instantly sobered.

'Decided it might be nice to actually greet your friend?' She asked. The Doctor shrugged.

'Perhaps. All the same, I'm still wonderin'' why Jack is alive, when he shouldn't be.' Rose opened her mouth to object but the Doctor shrugged. 'Don't get me wrong Jack. I'm glad to see you again. I… I did miss you a little. I also have a fairly good idea as to why you came back to life when I saw you dead. But you've been on Satellite five for over six months without food or water, and the oxygen can't have held out for more than a couple of weeks. You should be dead.' Jack nodded.

'You're right. I should be. I don't know why I'm not. I feel starving, but I never got weaker or thinner. Aside from feeling hungry, the starvation has had no physical effect on me.' The Doctor studied the ex-Time Agent carefully. He looked basically the same, apart from the definite signs that he'd been on an abandoned satellite for six months, like really needing a shower. Rose smiled nervously, too scared to say anything lest she break the Doctor's apparent acceptance of the situation.

'I'm gonna...' She stepped out of the room, hoping that the Doctor might manage to be happy about having his friend back. Jack leaned forward over the table.

'I didn't want to say anything I front of Rose 'cause it would upset her, but there is one other strange thing. About three months in, the loneliness was gettin' to me. I was hungry, and knew that for what ever reason I should have been dead right then, so I tried to end it, several times. And it worked. Each time I was well and truly dead. But only for a couple of seconds. I just kept coming back.' The Doctor had remained silent throughout Jack's whole speech. He leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression spreading over his face.

'…I see. Now _that's_ odd. I think it's all tied into 'Bad Wolf'. You remember that?'

'Vaguely.'

'Well I'm certain that she is responsible for bringing you back, as well as any 'side effects'.' Jack nodded.

'That would make sense.' He leaned back in his chair. 'So Doctor, now that that's cleared up, tell me...do you still carry a banana around with you?'

Rose smiled from where she was sitting just round the corner of the kitchen as she heard her two friends fall back into friendly chat. She thought that now she understood why the Doctor had been so cold to Jack earlier. He was a man who tended to hold people at arms length when things got too much for him. And it was up to her to fully break through his defences.

That night, the three of them went to bed late as they still had a lot to catch up on. None the less, after an hour or so Rose went off in search of the Doctor. As he had been the previous night, he was in his room. To begin with Rose thought he had actually fallen asleep. And in some aspects she was right, but she later decided that what he was doing couldn't really be classed as something as relaxed as sleep.

He was tossing and turning violently, his sheets a tangled mess around him. Panicked sounding, incoherent mumbles were rushing from his mouth. Occasionally Rose thought she picked out the word 'no' and once she swore she heard her name. She had a strong instinct to run over to him and wake him up, but another part of her was entranced seeing the Doctor so unguarded. This was the first time she'd seen such raw pain on his face. Usually it hardened before any real emotion came through, but now she could see all the fear, the devastation, the terror and all the pure emotions that were never there during the day. Even though she knew he was probably suffering in his dream-world, she just couldn't bring herself to give up this small look into the Doctor's mind.

Some time later, the incoherent mumbles turned into fully-fledged screams. Finally, Rose gave into her instinct and rushed to his side. Shaking him, she yelled:

'Doctor! Doctor! Wake up!' Slowly, the Doctor's eyes dropped open and he looked up at her.

'Rose…' He breathed. He sat up and encased her in his arms, practically suffocating her.

'Doctor-' she spluttered. He pulled away slightly.

'What? Oh…sorry…' He apologised absent-mindedly, releasing his grip on her. His brow furrowed. 'What are you doing here anyway?'

'You were screaming.' She answered without missing a beat. He nodded.

'I er…Thank you' he whispered. She gave him a small smile.

'Anytime.' They sat in silence for a moment. 'Do…D'ya wanna talk about it?' She asked nervously. He shrugged.

'It was nothing.' Rose folded her arms.

'You were screaming and tossing and turning and have you _seen_ your sheets?' The Doctor looked down to see his sheets tangled and nodded around his legs.

'Oh…' He blushed slightly.

'So are you gonna tell me?' The Doctor looked away.

'It's silly really…' He caught the look on Rose's face and sighed. 'I-I was dreaming about Satellite Five and B-Bad Wolf' He ended in a small voice.

'Oh Doctor' Rose comforted, pulling him into another hug. 'It's ok. I'm fine. And you're fine. And Jack's fine. I'm never gonna leave you.' The Doctor shook his head.

'Maybe not by choice, but-' Rose put a finger over his lips.

'No. _Never_.' The Doctor looked her with a resigned sadness.

'Rose…I'm going to live for a lot longer than you will, particularly when _this_ is your life. Whether we like it or not, some day you will d-'

'No, I won't!' Rose interrupted. 'Look, think about what's happening to Jack. I was only outside the door for your conversation and I heard it all. Jack can't die, and I think we all know why that is. He still has some Time Vortex running through him, and all it knows is to bring him back to life. Well, I must have had some precaution for myself, _and_ I had the whole of time and space in me. If Jack's managed to end up practically immortal, then maybe I'll have some cool side effects too.' The Doctor didn't look convinced. 'Look, I'm not saying for sure, but it's something to consider.' The Doctor still appeared unsure, but he didn't say anything.

'Ok, so you and Jack are practically immortal. What happens when I, who am not immortal, die? What will you do then? See, it's the same situation just swapped around.' Rose looked thoughtful for a few moments before brightening.

'Doctor, when will the TARDIS die?' The Doctor raised an eyebrow at her apparent subject change.

'Well I suppose she'll die when I do.'

'Then we'll die together. Very romantic.' She teased. The Doctor had a confused expression for a few minutes before a smile spread over his face.

'Oh. Oh, Rose Tyler, you are a GENIUS!' She blushed.

'I can't say for sure that that's what'll happen, but it's likely.'

'Likely? It's a lot bloody more than likely. You and Jack have a connection to the TARDIS because that's where your time vortex energy came from. When that connection is gone, which will be when the TARDIS dies, your immortality won't hold and you and Jack will…d-die.' His face fell. 'Are you sure your ok with having such a controlled life span?' Rose shrugged.

'Yeah. And even if I wasn't, it wouldn't make any difference now.' The Doctor looked concerned for a few seconds before his huge smile returned. 'Look, Doctor, I don't want you to get your hopes up. Jack only knows that he can't die because he's been killed. I haven't, and I don't particularly want to right now.' The Doctor nodded and forced his smile away a bit.

'I know that, it's just that…that… Rose, if it _is_ true then you'll be the only person I've travelled with that really will stay forever. I can't explain how…fantastic that is.' Rose smiled.

'I think I have a fair idea.' The Doctor hugged her again.

'I've met a lot of amazing people in my time Rose.' He whispered in her ear. 'But you top them all.' She blushed again.

'W-Will you be ok? I mean, you won't have any more nightmares?'

'Oh, I probably will.' The Doctor told her cheerily. Rose sighed.

'Well if you do…You know where I am.' The Doctor remained silent so she took it as a sign to go. She stood up to leave the room. Just as was about to go out of he door, the Doctor spoke up.

'Rose…Thank you. For everything.' Rose smiled at him once more and returned to her own room, where as usual she got out her diary and wrote:

_Night 3_

_Today was certainly eventful. Can you believe, we found Jack, alive, after all this time?! He can't die. I reckon that it might be the same for me, though I'm not in a hurry to put it in the test. If it were true, I wonder if the Doctor would let himself be with me. I'm fairly certain he loves me, and now his only argument is gone. _

_I suppose technically he was asleep tonight, though I don't think much sleeping was done. He was having nightmares, about ME dying! If it wasn't for the fact that it upsets him so much I'd be quite flattered. I think he's ok now though. He knows that he can come and talk to me about anything that upsets him. He won't though. He isn't that sort of a guy._


	4. Night 4

Ok, this chapter is set _after_ 'The Girl in the Fireplace'. Now it's been a while since I saw it, so all the references are based on what I remember of it (my internet was down when I wrote it so I couldn't get any scripts or summaries). So in case I've got it wrong, here are a few details: Rose and Mickey (or Jack, in my story) nearly get killed by clockwork people while the Doctor is at a party, then later on, the Doctor rides through a mirror on a horse to save Madame de Pompadour, thinking that there'll be no way back. Luckily, there is, and he arrives back safely after five and a half hours. If I got it wrong, please tell me.

Disclaimer: Still don't own it

**Night 4**

When they got back to the TARDIS, Rose went straight to her room. She didn't want to even look at the Doctor right then. Jack wasn't keen on it either, but it didn't bother him as much as it did Rose. He just stood and glared at the Doctor as he helplessly watched Rose walk off.

'Ooh, she's _never_ gonna forgive you for this.' Jack told him. The Doctor sighed.

'She's being unreasonable. She's just jealous because for once I didn't put her first. And it's not like I'm not hurting either. Reinette's dead! I…I cared about her.' The Doctor finished weakly. Jack glared at him.

'I wouldn't use that as an excuse when you next talk to Rose' he growled.

'She's just acting so childish.' The Doctor complained. Jack looked at him angrily.

''She's being childish.' Doctor, me and Rose were both nearly _killed_ because you were helping some French girl you've only met a few times make her lover jealous. Then, you dived through that stupid mirror, leaving me and Rose stranded.'

'For five and a half hours. That's not long at all.' The Doctor cut in.

'Yes, and of course when you left us here, you knew _exactly_ when you would be back.' Jack said sarcastically. The Doctor looked away. 'Doctor, you _know_ that apart from you none of us can fly the TARDIS. You thought that you'd never make it back. You left me and Rose on an abandoned space station with a bunch of clockwork killers and no way of leaving. Top it off with the possibility that neither of us can die properly until you do…' Jack trailed off. He didn't need to finish.

'Well what was I supposed to do? What would you have done in that situation?' The Doctor asked angrily.

'I would have followed my heart. And if that's what you did, which I don't believe for one second, then you were still wrong because you owe Rose at least a proper good bye and a way home. Personally, I think after nearly two years of time and space travel with you, not to mention saving your ass countless times, she has every right to expect to be put first. She always puts you first, doesn't she? She left her friends, her boyfriend, her family…her _life_, Doctor. And all for you. Maybe you should think about that.' Jack turned around and left. The Doctor slumped down against the inside of the TARDIS door. He needed to think of a way to make it up to Rose, and soon.

Jack ran as fast as he could to Rose's room which, as the TARDIS had sensed her need to be alone, appeared to be miles away. He found it eventually though.

'Rose?' He asked quietly as he knocked softly on the door.

'Jack?' Came the faint response. He opened the door and saw Rose huddled under some blankets in the corner of her room. She was looking at him. She wasn't crying, but she looked so upset and betrayed. He set himself down next to her and put his arms around her.

'I'm sorry Rose'. He told her. He didn't know why he was apologising. After all, he hadn't done anything. It just seemed appropriate. She shook her head.

'Don't be. You didn't do anything.' They lapsed into silence. Rose was the first to break it. 'I-I really thought we had something, you know? Ok, so maybe Time Lords don't do the whole love-romance thing, but I thought he cared about me a little bit. I thought I meant something to him. But obviously I was just something to pass the time until he finds someone prettier.'

'That's not true, Rose.' Jack replied. 'He feels for you, I know he does. I know that doesn't change what he did or make it any better, but it's something at least.' Rose shrugged.

'Is it? If he felt something, anything, then how could he abandon us like that? He _thought_ he'd never make it back. He _knew _we can't fly the TARDIS and he knows that the chances are neither of us can die until he does. Why did he do it?' Now it was Jack's turn to shrug.

'I wish I knew. He better have a good excuse or I might have to hit him.' Rose smiled.

'He deserves it. Maybe I should take him to my mum so she can slap 'im'. Jack smiled back at him.

'Oh that's harsh. You should have heard him go on about Jackie Tyler's slaps.' Rose rolled her eyes.

'You should have seen it. He was practically crying. A combination of pain and insult. Apparently he was above being slapped by anyone's mother.' There was a moment of silence. 'Sometimes, I…I miss the old him. The Doctor I first knew would never have done this. The nearest he got was flirting with a tree. She died too. I don't think they ever had anything though. Just good friends, like.' Jack raised an eyebrow.

'The Doctor flirted…with a tree?' He asked incredulously. Rose nodded. 'That is just _too_ good!' He cried. Rose laughed. Then her expression turned serious again.

'Thanks Jack.'

'For what?'

'Just for being her. Making me laugh. Surviving. Everything. I don't think I could cope right now without you.' Jack waved a hand at her, brushing off her complements.

'You'd be fine, Rose. You're strong. You can take care of yourself. You don't need me, or the Doctor for that matter.' She blushed.

'Still, it means a lot to me that you're here.' Jack inclined his head in thanks.

'I'm glad you're here too. I missed you Rose. The Doctor too, though at the moment I can't imagine why, but…' He stopped.

'I miss the Doctor too. Right now. I don't like fighting with him. It doesn't happen often and usually one of us apologises and it's all ok. But this time I don't know if I can forgive him. I'm stuck with him Jack. I can't go back to my old life. After living this life…it's impossible. But I don't know if I can spend what could be a good few hundred years with someone I can't trust. What will I do next time he goes off to save someone without thinking? What then?' Jack rubbed her back soothingly.

'I'll be here Rose. I don't have anywhere else to go either. I'm not gonna leave the TARDIS.' Rose gave him the smallest of smiles.

'I know I've said it loads of times tonight, but thanks again Jack.' He shrugged.

'It's fine. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.' Rose sighed as she settled back against her friend.

'The Doctor has to put all of time and space before himself and the people he travels with. But is it unreasonable to want to be in his priorities somewhere?'

Rose and Jack stayed up talking about the Doctor all night. The Doctor stayed sat in the consol room feeling terribly left out and very jealous of Jack. He had checked out Rose's room on the screen on the control panel and had seen her and Jack curled up in the corner of the room, probably talking about him and sharing secrets. He so much wanted to go and curl up with them, and be involved and hear their secrets. But he couldn't go in there. It was his own fault he was stuck outside. He knew that. He didn't know why he'd jumped into save Reinette, nor did he know why he was so upset that she was dead. He barely knew her and had certainly never experienced anything with her that could ever compare with what he and Rose had. Reinette had died naturally, of old age probably. She was supposed to die then. But he hadn't thought about never seeing Rose again. Hadn't considered that by leaving her to save Reinette he'd be leaving her to die, on some abandoned space ship so very far from her home. And what if her theory was right? What if she was unable to die properly until he did at the end of all his regenerations? She'd be stranded in outer-space, probably going through all the pain of death over and over again until the TARDIS died. All that stuff that could have happened, and he'd never thought of it until now. Oh God, no wonder Rose and Jack were so upset! He was such a bastard!

'I'm. Such. An. Idiot.' He punctuated each word with a hit of his head against the wall of the TARDIS. He'd always managed to make things up to Rose when he'd been stupid like this in the past, but he just didn't see how he was supposed to do it this time. And even if he could, would she be able to trust him again?

The next morning Rose opened her diary. She had so many thoughts to write down, and even though they were slightly less muddled thanks to Jack, they were still very mixed up.

_Night four_

_The Doctor didn't sleep tonight._

She held her pen, poised to write more, but all the emotions that were coursing through her just wouldn't come out on the page. Or maybe they were, and that simple sentence was all that was needed to voice them. Neutral. Detached. Uncaring. They all summed up how she was feeling over the Doctor's sleeping patterns right then. Standing up, she placed her diary and pen back in her desk drawer and went in search of Jack.


	5. Night 5

I wanted to make Rose and Jack give the Doctor the silent treatment for longer than just one day, but it didn't fit into my plan for the story.

Disclaimer: Still not gettin' any money for wishing, still don't own Doctor Who

**Night five**

For the first time in a long while, probably ever, the Doctor didn't feel comfortable in the TARDIS. He felt like an outsider, an intruder in the lives of Rose and Jack. They had been ignoring him all day. He could here them talking loudly wherever he was in the TARDIS, but whenever he entered the same room as them, their voices dropped to low whispers. Rose appeared happier than she had the other day, but the Doctor could tell she was hurting much more than she was letting on to him. He didn't like the situation one bit. If it had been just Rose, it wouldn't be so bad. She would be lonelier and more inclined to talk to him and sort it out. But since Jack was there they were fuelling each other. Rose had no real reason to talk to him. Still, he knew he deserved it, so he was happy to just stand there and take it. He was certain that they'd give in soon.

Rose, of course, had no intention of giving up. However childish she knew it may be, all she wanted to do was to inflict as much hurt on the Doctor as he had on her. She knew he hated being excluded from things, so she and Jack never spoke above whispers when he was near by. They had a couple of inside jokes (Rose only had to say 'tree' when the Doctor was in the room and Jack would snort with laughter. In a dignified way, obviously.). Even though she was devastated inside she still managed to laugh and smile with Jack easily enough.

Another thing Rose knew was that the Doctor got terribly jealous of Rose being close to any other guy, so she knew he'd be going crazy over her spending so much alone time with Jack. In some ways, she knew that she was being unfair to Jack, but it wasn't like she didn't like spending time with him, so it wasn't all that bad.

Jack, like Rose was furious at the Doctor. All the same, he knew that Rose was even more upset than he was and not talking to him was really getting to her, even if it had only been a day. Combined with everything else, she was really stressed. As much as he wanted the Doctor to be unhappy, which really wasn't like him usually, he also wanted to help Rose, and he knew the only way to do that was to get her to talk things out with the Doctor. So that evening, he made himself scarce, leaving the Doctor and Rose alone together. They sat there for ages in an uncomfortable silence. After a while the Doctor decided to try and speak to her.

'Rose, I'm-'

'Don't' she interjected coldly, turning her whole body away from him.

'Please Rose! Please listen to me! I really am s-' Rose swung around and glared at him.

'Don't you dare tell me you're bloody sorry!' She shouted at him. 'I _don't_ want to hear it.'

'Right.' The Doctor replied quietly. 'I won't say it. But I am.' He finished, speaking in little more than a whisper. Rose's face softened ever so slightly but it was still very cold and her features were still hard.

'That doesn't change anything.' She reminded him.

'I-I know.' He ran a hand through his hair. 'Look, Rose, I really don't know what to say. I've tried sorry, but you won't listen. Please, tell me what I've got to do to get you to at least talk to me again!' Rose shrugged.

'I don't know. The best thing you could have done was to not get into the situation to begin with.' The Doctor sighed.

'That may be true, but I can't change that now. There must be _something_.'

'Ok then Doctor. There's something that's been bothering me. You answer the question and I'll talk to you properly.' The Doctor nodded, eager to get it over with so he could start making things up to Rose. 'Tell me what was so _amazing_ about Reinette that made you feel the need to leave me and Jack on an abandoned space ship, far, far away from anything that even resembles home, with no way of leaving and a high chance of dying on a regular basis until you finally finished all your regenerations.' The Doctor didn't say anything. 'Well?' Rose asked, the pitch of her voice rising. 'Answer me!' She ordered him. Reluctantly, the Doctor gave her the explanation that he'd realised earlier in the day.

'She reminded me of you' Rose looked angrier than ever.

'Oh, that really helps. Nice to know you think so highly of me!' She all but yelled at him, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

'That's not what I meant.' He defended himself.

'So you mean that when you said that she reminded you of me, you _didn't_ mean that when you look at me you see some cheap, two-bit whore?' She asked, mock-incredulously.

'She had spirit. She wasn't one to give up. She was strong.' The Doctor countered. Rose shrugged.

'So you went to all that trouble of saving her because she reminded you of me, even though you were leaving the _actual_ me behind, with all both of us thinking you'd never see me again? Sounds unlikely.' The Doctor closed his eyes. This was getting dangerously close to places he didn't want to visit.

'She…She was safe.'

'Safe.' Rose repeated.

'She was a poor substitute for you. I knew, or thought I knew, that being that _close_ to you was out of the question. But she…I could let myself be close to her because I knew that I didn't really care about her.' Rose's face remained cold.

'That made no sense.' The Doctor looked at her desperately.

'I don't know how to explain it any better!'

'Try.' She commanded.

'Rose, I-I…I _care_ about you. For you. Whatever. The point is that I feel…for you, much, much more than I should. With Reinette…I could pretend she was you. When I went to that party, I could pretend I was dancing with you, because in reality I knew I could never take you on a date and dance with you. When I kissed her-'

'YOU _KISSED_ HER!!!????' Rose shouted. The Doctor ignored her.

'When I kissed her I could pretend that I was kissing you…I was allowed to care about Reinette because I didn't care about her. See?' Rose shrugged again.

'I get it, Doctor. But that's not gonna change what happened. You can use as many excuses as you want, try an' justify it in anyway you can, but you still chose her life over mine and Jack's. At least if you'd left her she'd have died quickly!' The Doctor looked away. She was right. He could look at it all the ways he wanted, but it remained the same. When he realised that, telling her he chose Reinette because he cared about Rose made no sense.

'I _am_ sorry. I-I don't know what else to say to you Rose.'

Inside, Rose was hurting so much. She knew he was almost as upset as she was right now, and she cared about him enough to hurt when he did. Add that on to her own pain, and she really just wanted to say she forgave him and let things back to normal. But she couldn't. She didn't forgive him and things couldn't go back to normal. Something was going to change, good or bad. Of course, she didn't let the Doctor know that. On the outside she was seething. There was something she needed the Doctor to say, or do, or something. But she didn't know what it was yet. She wouldn't know 'til she heard it. She suddenly realised the Doctor had continued talking.

'-must be something I can do…Rose? Are you even listening to me?'

'Yeah. Yeah, I am.' She answered. She could tell he was a little annoyed that she had been ignoring her, but, she reasoned, he wasn't really in a position to be annoyed with her.

The Doctor was getting annoyed now, mostly with himself. He knew what he needed to say. He knew that there was only one thing he could say to convince her that she meant more to him than anything else in the world. But he just couldn't bring himself to say them. It would mean changing everything and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet.

'Rose, I never cared about her anymore than I care about anyone else, except you. I care about you. I _really _care about you. I l-… You mean more to me that everything.' He had almost said it. But he'd stopped himself.

'See, you always do that. Stop yourself before you say it. Why is that?' She asked. The Doctor paused before answering.

'Technically, Time Lords aren't allowed to have _any_ type of relationship with humans, not even a victim/saviour type thing. There may not be in any Time Lords left to enforce that, but I just feel that I should honour them by-'

'Oh no,' Rose cut in. 'we are not turning into this into an 'everyone feel sorry for the Doctor 'cos he's the last of his kind' thing. Don't get me wrong, I think that it's all very sad, I can't possibly imagine how horrible it must be for you and yes, it works fine as a 'Get out of Jail Free' card in some circumstances. But not all of them. The Time War _isn't_ an excuse for everything. If you really wanted to honour the Time Lords you wouldn't use their deaths to justify every mistake you make.' The Doctor was speechless. He was furious at Rose for saying that. She had no right! But she wasn't wrong. He did use the Time War as reasoning for being cold, emotionless, heartless, on some occasions and all those deaths that he had caused by not putting his all into saving a planet.

'I know' he eventually answered. 'I'm afraid Rose. I don't know if I'm capable of l-loving another person. I…I tried to save Reinette to prove…_something_ to myself. I don't know what. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't love y-…anyone. Or maybe I was trying to prove that I was capable of loving by leaving my life behind to save someone else…I honestly don't know what I was trying to prove. But Rose, I am so, _so _happy that I got back. None of this occurred to me until I got back here, but Rose, I wouldn't have been able to live a life without you in it. I would have probably gone mad. I-I need you Rose. You're what I travel through space and time for. You're what I save all those people for. You're what I _live_ for. I…I… Oh, to Hell with it! I love you! Rose Tyler, I love you!' Rose was doing her best not to cry. She had completely forgotten that she was mad at the Doctor. She'd just found what he'd said so beautiful.

'I love you too Doctor' she told him. He stood and went over to sit next to her. She wrapped her arms tightly round the Doctor's neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her waist and held her close.

'And I am sorry Rose. I really couldn't be sorrier.' Rose shrugged.

'I don't care anymore. You're back here, with me.' She snuggled closer, and then looked up at him, tears trickling down her cheeks. 'I didn't tell Jack this, but do you know what I found the worst part of the whole thing?' The Doctor shook his head. 'The thought that I'd never see you again. I don't think I could bear that.' She didn't go any further. There wasn't really any need too. They spent the rest of the evening curled up together talking about inane things, like what funny things Jack had done in all the time they'd known him and places they'd like to visit and other such topics. By the morning Rose had completely forgiven him, mainly because if he hadn't been so stupid then he most likely would never have told her that he loved her. She only hoped Jack wouldn't mind.

As she had done every other day, she got her diary out.

_Night five_

_The Doctor was a complete and utter bastard yesterday, but I've forgiven him. Last night was the best night of my life! The Doctor finally told me_ _he loves me! So we're both ok about everything now, which I'm glad about. I don't know how much longer I could have kept the silent treatment up for! Neither of us slept, we just talked all night. It was nice._


End file.
